I probably wasn’t the only one who thought it was a bit odd when the Satisfyer brand popped up seemingly out of nowhere with a main design called the Satisfyer Pro 2. “Where’s the first Satisfyer model?” people asked, slightly confused by it all. Now I guess we have the answer, it’s here, along with many other models – The Satisfyer 2, The Satisfyer Pro Penguin and The Satisfyer Pro Deluxe.
So with a grand total of 5 models (if you don’t include the two slightly different versions of Satisfyer Pro 2) all with the same number of power/intensity levels and all waterproof, which Satisfyer do you actually need in your life? Hopefully this post will help you make that daunting decision.
**Just to point out (because there is a bit of confusion over this) these toys don’t actually provide suction – they manipulate the air inside the nozzle so it pulses. It does still feel a bit like suction as the air pushes/and pulls quickly inside the nozzle. For many reasons this type of stimulation can be superior to vibrations as it doesn’t numb the clitoris and you get no vibrational feedback in the handle. However you do have to be very careful to keep a seal around your clit which can be really limiting. **
Pro Penguin (6/10)
I love the handy size and adorable style of the Pro Penguin, I sometimes even forget to hate it for being pink. It’s the kind of toy I’d want to take with me to show my more vanilla friends, the kind of toy that would fit in almost any bag without much hassle.
The Pro Penguin has a smoother feeling motor and consequentially a more ‘refined’ type of sensation than the other models. Thats not the compliment it sounds (at least not in my case) as it’s less thuddy (which is the closest this type of toy can come to being ‘rumbly’). Can I still orgasm with it? Yes – it’s slower and I do find myself wanting to ramp it up just a little more and inevitably end up accidentally turning it down as the settings are on a loop. Boo.
It feels like a perfect and comfortable fit when you pick the Pro Penguin up, with its bulbous silicone-coated bottom fitting nicely in the palm of your hand, but then you actually try to put the head on your clit at the right angle to create a seal and suddenly your having to hold that bulbous bottom with your fingers, and man does it feel awkward! The expression ‘all fingers and thumbs’ springs to mind – it’s just not very comfortable and my finger tips end up nowhere near the buttons.
The head on the Penguin suuuuuucks! It’s too thin, it falls out easily and I can see myself losing it forever in my not particularly tidy bedroom. The teeny rim doesn’t feel all that comfortable against my vulva and makes this one of the hardest to get a seal around my clit with. If you have a large clit this is the one with the biggest opening though so that is certainly something to consider.
The Penguin is tricky to sum up, I really wanted to love it. Somehow their design is cute enough that I didn’t hate it straight away for being pink, although come on it would have looked fucking adorable in blue and white or blue and black (you know, like an ACTUAL Penguin). The teeny flimsy head, awkward-in-use shape and sub-par ‘surface level’ pulses let it down.
Noise Level – 7.5/10 with buzzy whine too it
Power – 5/10
Design – 7/10
Functionality and Usability – 3/10
Battery – Rechargeable
I don’t actually have the Satisfyer 1 in my possession anymore, the post turned up while my mum was over, and my groans of “how the fuck am I going to review all of these?” (I only asked for the Penguin and Deluxe but hey I’m actually really grateful they sent the battery powered ones too!) were just the excuse she needed to leave with one tucked under her arm.
She does have only good things to say about it, although she doesn’t have anything similiar to compare it to. I am considering giving her the Womanizer Pro 40 with a brand new head so she can compare them for me but I’m not sure that I really want to know the details of her masturbation forays.
Noise level – Unknown
Power – Unknown
Design – 6/10
Functionality/Usability – Unknown
Battery – AAA
Satisfyer 2 (6.5/10)
The Satisfyer 2 too is easily the ugliest of the lot, with its boxy shape and hard plastic buttons its a design that really shouldn’t have made it off the drawing board. However looks aren’t everything and this toy is fast becoming as adept at ripping orgasms from me as the Satisfyer Pro 2 (it’s far prettier, rechargeable big brother).
The air pulsation on the Satisfyer 2 is seriously strong and thuddy. Not quite on the same level as the Pro 2 but so freaking close! This is just straight up impressive for a battery operated toy, especially one that only takes two AAA’s. The Satisfyer 2 is THE ONLY battery operated toy that can get me off with any degree of ease and it deserves a round of applause for that.
Not only does the Satisfyer 2 start off at a far more manageable intensity (unlike the Satisfyer Pro 2 which goes from zero to full on clitoral carnage) it also has plus and minus buttons, THANK THE CLITORAL DEITIES! It’s a really fucking big deal to have this kind of functionality and Satisfyer really should have put (+/-) buttons on all their models. When you play with this sort of toy it can get overwhelming really fast and sometimes you just need a little less – having to turn it off or take it away from your clit because you need less immediately and can’t bear to scroll through higher intensities (before it cycles to the lower settings) is simply irritating.
The Satisfyer 2 is getting a cautious thumbs up from me, the buttons could do with being placed better and its easily one of the noisiest but you can’t doubt its power. This toy is in-expensive and worth a try if you’re new to ‘air pulsation’ clitoral toys.
Noise Level – 9/10 (10 being super loud) Motor has slight whine to it.
Power – 9/10
Design – 3/10
Functionality and Usability – 8/10
Battery – 2 AAA’s
Satisfyer Pro Deluxe (4.5/10)
I’m really not fond of the Deluxe ascetically. Its got more of that rose-gold-ish colour, which I’m kind of whatever about but its also in this pebble-like shape so unlike the others it doesn’t really have a ‘handle’. It feels awkward in the hand when picked up especially compared to the others and only has the single button for all functions. I’m not sure what makes this one Deluxe since it has the same amount of settings as the others and again I’m left wondering where the (+/-) buttons are at!
I actually didn’t find it too difficult to hold during use and it sits flush against my body which feels more natural to me than having to angle the toy to get the head over my clit. Due to all that it is by far the easiest for jacking off with your pajamas on, just shove it (and your hand) down your pants and viola! (I’m not lazy, it’s just cold here… and I’m lazy but shh, it’s an ill kept secret!).
I feel like this model is joint last place (with the Penguin) in terms of the strength of its air pulses and I’m starting to think its due too the head not being elongated like the others. In my mind this one has less room for air between your clit and the inner membrane so there is less air for the inner mechanism to push? But I honestly don’t have a clue if thats really how it works I just know this ones the most lack luster of the lot and like the Penguin it has a very shallow quality to its stimulation that lacks ‘thuddy-ness’ (although it is a little more ‘thuddy’ than the Penguin).
I don’t really know who the Deluxe would be good for, I can see it being a little awkward to hold for some. It’s not particularly strong and the head has a tiny rim that is almost flush with the rest of the toy. I can really see someone with a fleshier vulva struggling to create a seal with it. In terms of power its lacking a bit and whilst I can orgasm with it I do often feel like chucking it aside in favour of the Pro 2.
Noise Level – 7/10 Gurgles.
Power – 6/10
Design – 3/10
Functionality and Usability – 3.5/10
Battery – Rechargeable
Satisfyer Pro 2 (8.5/10)
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is my go-to. Thats my line and I’m sticking to it. I preferred it over the Womanizer Pro 40 and I prefer it over these other models too. Sure I’d like to take details from the newly released models and stick them on the Pro 2, like the (+/-) buttons of the Satisfyer 2 and the slightly quieter motors of the Penguin and Deluxe.
The Pro 2’s pulsation is the most rumble-like. It’s thuddy in a smooth way, if that even makes sense. It provides the most power and executes it’s delivery far better. The silicone head is the smoothest, silkiest and widest rimmed of the lot, making it so comfortable in use. It’s the easiest one for me to create a seal around my clit with and I will always love it for that.
The buttons whilst not quite perfectly placed do seem easier to reach that the other models (although that might be because I’ve had time to get used to them) and the handle easier to hold.
But there are downsides, big ones, too. The power settings start off far too high and are quite a shock when you first try it. It’s hella noisy, kind of rattly and certainly the one you are least likely to get away with using in a household occupied by other human beings. The Pro 2 even scares my, pretty much unflappable, cat out of the room ( although thats technically a positive because I hate him sticking around while I’m trying to jack off).
Noise Level – 9/10 Slight rattly nature to it.
Power – 10/10
Design – 8/10
Functionality and Usability – 6/10
Battery – Rechargeable
Read my full review of the Satisfyer Pro 2 here
Or Perhaps you’d be interested in hearing more about the Womanizer Pro 40?
So which Satisfyer would I recommend?
Which one would I recommend to someone who has never tried this sort of clit stimulation and is nervous about spending money on something they won’t like? Well I guess it would be the Satisfyer 2, despite its boxy weird design, those plus and minus buttons are a godsend when you’re starting out and its cheap enough to take a chance on, the Satisfyer 1 isn’t far behind on the beginner front and if you need something easier to hold and prefer the purple design I would say give it a go, it’s been fully endorsed… by my mum!
For those who don’t want to mess about and just want the best orgasms, I’d recommend the Satisfyer Pro 2, as far as pleasure goes – (for me) it cannot be beaten. The wide comfortable head, amazing power and ergonomic handle cannot be beaten. But if you’re super sensitive you might want to give it a miss, it doesn’t really have a low setting and without plus and minus buttons it can be hard not to ‘overcook’ your clit.
If you value quality above all else. If you want thoughtful design and product guarantees, then I have to say skip the Satisfyers all together – my all-time-fav (the Satisfyer Pro 2) is starting to look a little worse for wear with scratches all over it. If you want the most luxurious, the most high quality, the most renowned, and don’t mind quite pinpoint sensations and paying out a fair bit more, I recommend you get the Womanizer Pro 40.
With all these new models, I can’t help but feel that not enough thought was put into functionality and usability. It feels like they just wanted to pump out all these random designs when they would have been far better off making the Satisfyer Pro 2 quieter, adding plus and minus buttons and giving it a more gentle starting point.
I’d love to be able to give a pulsating clit toy a 10/10 one day, they really do have so much potential! My advice to Satisfyer would certainly be; narrow down to one or two models but really put some thought into functionality, button positioning and perhaps interchangeable heads so they can work for a greater variety of people. You have all the ingredients for success (plus minus buttons, cute designs, a great head) now you just need to put them in the SAME toy.