Mystim Sizzling Simon – Electrostimulation Vibrator Review 8.5/10

I’LL CONFESS, I’ve been infatuated with Simon, in all his sizzling glory, for a long-ass-time. I’m talking a whole year if not more. So infatuated, that I just called a sex toy by a name as if it were a person. THIS IS MY LIFE NOW!

The idea of electrostimulation has always excited me however I have also always adamantly avoided corded toys – never having owned a single plug in or battery pack powered sex toy. I simply don’t want to get tangled up in wires, or limited by their reach. I want spontaneous, free, uninhibited sex/masturbation. Although having said that I’m now day dreaming about someone tying my wrists together with a doxy cord whilst using it on me. I’m a complicated human.

So when I found Mystims collection of rechargeable, no wires, all-in-one E-Stim vibrators my heart was set. With three models to choose from it was an easy decision – it had to be Sizzling Simon. With it’s four defined ridges and medium (goldilocks) size shaft, my heart was set. It took me a year to get my hands on Simon, and it’s eventual arrival (thanks to Mystim) was met by squeals of excitement!

The Mystim E-stim vibrators come in pretty fantastic packaging, if you care about all that. The outer packaging is card and inside is a the Simon zipped away in its own storage box! It’s a nice touch as the storage box is pretty travel friendly, although there no room on the zip for a lock, which is an oversight! Inside the handy storage box you’ll find a usb charger, a manual, two lube satchets and Simon himself, all nestled into nifty netted storage pockets and elastic straps. Theres plenty of room for more toys in the box, and throwing out the lube is highly recommended!

My Sizzling Simon is the black edition, which as far as I can tell just means the handle is black instead of white. The first thing I noticed when I took him out was just how large and imposing the shaft seems for a luxury vibrator. Often I find (somewhat ironically) that the more you pay for a vibrator the smaller/slimmer the shaft is. With Simon you’re getting bang for your buck – in more than one way, and if you want bigger still, perhaps the Tickling Truman will sate your size needs?

Charging Simon (which you’ll need to do before you play) is easy once you know what you’re doing, for the record it’s a magnetic charger and it latches onto the small metal logo on the handle. The light will start off red and switch to green when its charged. This Magnetic charging system allows the Sizzling Simon to be completely waterproof too, which (in my opinion) all internal vibrators should be!

The Sizzling Simon (along with Electric Eric, Tickling Truman and now Daring Danny)  has three main functions, Vibrations, E-Stim and Pelvic Floor training. On the handle there are two sections, the E-Stim buttons at the top and the Vibration buttons on the bottom. Now bear with me because this gets a little confusing (multi-functionality isn’t all that its cracked up to be).

To turn on the vibrations (which emit from two motors one in the tip and one in the shaft) you press the button fourth down form the top, with the circular pattern on it, once. To turn the vibrations up or down there are plus and minus buttons below the circular button – allowing you five intensities. To change the patterns (of which there are eight!) you press the circular button again. To turn the vibrations off you hold the circular button down for a few seconds.

To use the E-stim you press the third button down form the top, with the pulse pattern on it. The buttons above that one are plus and minus buttons allowing you to easily shift up and down the ten levels of intensity. You can change the program by pressing the pulse button again, there are five programs (patterns) to pick from. To enter into the pelvic floor training

So if I haven’t completely lost you by now, you’ll have realised just how much the Sizzling Simon has to offer. Sliding it into my Vagina for the first time I was both hopeful and nervous. I’d wanted Simon for a long time and even though electrocuting myself in the vagina seemed like a terrifyingly bizarre concept, I was pretty certain I was going to like it.

Boy was I shocked. After running my fingers over the buttons (which I could no longer see with the toy inserted) and picking out the one for the E-stim. I sucked in a deep breath and pressed it. I waited for a minute, pretty certain nothing was happening before reaching down to press the plus button… nothing, I pressed it once more. Ouch! I felt a sharp prickle inside me, not a pleasant sensation, just pain, it reminded me of being stung by a wasp. Something I’d never particularly wanted to happen inside my vagina.

So yeah, my first foray with Simon did not go well, it felt painful, stingy and prickly, and nothing like I had imagined it would. Even a play around with the vibrations couldn’t get me any joy from it, as the vibrations are very middle ground and I’m not really a fan of vibes internally. I was heartbroken, the shaft felt beautiful inside me and shallow thrusting was a joy thanks to those ridges, but this was going to be one hell of an expensive dildo if I never used the motors!

Later that day I took Simon to my BFs house (on his request). He was desperate to try E-stim and begged me to let him try it despite my bad experience (and despite it not being anal safe!). Of course I obliged him lubing the shaft and holding onto the handle tightly on his behalf. The shape worked as well for him as it had me and he was soon urging me to turn the E-Stim on.

I fully expected him to hate it, or at least… find the sensation too bizarre/intense to translate as pleasure. What I wasn’t expecting was him to lose control after level three and begin writhing, chuckling and begging me to turn up the settings. Each time I pressed the button I tensed, expecting it to be the step ‘too far’ – the one that turned pleasure to pain, but he just kept on going. Grin getting bigger and dick twitching more erratically with each increase. Eventually giving into his urges and tugging himself over the edge. Splattering his own torso with cum. I was shocked, aroused and a little jealous. His reaction was indicative of everything I’d hoped the Sizzling Simon would be. So why wasn’t it working for me?

Horny and desperate for some answers, I cleaned off the toy and settled down beside the melted puddle that had previously been my bf. I wanted to experience whatever had got him so ecstatic, or at least to prove that I wasn’t a wimp. My vagina, had other ideas at first, tensing up despite my arousal – unwilling to let the zappy, hurty thing inside. Once I’d gotten the Sizzling Simon inside me, I made double sure to insert the entirety of the shaft (the less surface area touching you the stronger the zaps will be on that part of you). Then I waited an embarrassingly long time for the courage to turn the pulses on.

I got to setting three (where I could distinguish the zaps) and then leant over to my now watchful boyfriend. We sloppily, urgently, made out like a pair of desperate teenagers. The zaps started to feel less prickly and more like tiny ripples, I clicked the strength up a notch. The sharp prickly feeling was back but this time it felt more than bearable and soon I’d adjusted to that level too – feeling ripples again instead of sharpness. Using Simon like that – taking it steady, stopping to fondle my bf, making sure I was fully aroused, got me all the way to level 8. It teetered on the edge of being too much, but each subtle tiny thrust of the shaft I could muster and each pulsing ripple that gripped my vaginal wall got me closer to orgasm.

So that was the trick to Simon, I had to let him grow on me – to get used to him. I’d excite myself with the wicked shaft, reveling in each rippling ridge as it entered me. Enjoying the slight flex in the shaft. Using the vibrations at the same time as the E-stim to help tip the pleasure/pain scale in the right direction. Taking things slow, using it often. It all made my experiences with this toy so much better.

The Kegel exercise programs are a lot of fun too, and now I’ll happily sit there with Simon inserted while reading a book. Vaguely aware of the zaps and corresponding muscle spasms. See, who said working out has to be difficult! Honestly being tighter isn’t the goal here, since a tight vagina is generally just an un-aroused vagina, Kegel training for me is all about stronger orgasms. Working those muscles so when you do orgasm, the contractions that ripple through you are bigger and better.

The Sizzling Simon, is the epitome of bang for your buck. With all the elegance and twice the functionality of an old-school Lelo toy, at a far more reasonable price, you really are getting a great deal. It’s a wonderful design, the shaft is silicone and flexible, the unit is waterproof and rechargeable, it boasts multiple vibration patterns and strengths and multiple E-stim patterns and strengths, it even has a Kegel training program. This is a simply crazy amount of stuff to cram into a toy and personally I’ll admit I find this level of functionality a little tiresome when you have to navigate all six buttons (some of which have more than one job). I’d have been just as happy if the toy only had E-Stim but I’m sure there are lots of people who will appreciate having both AND even better – being able to use both the vibrations and E-Stim at the same time.

Well done Mystim, you’ve created a simply fantastic toy that my only real issue with is navigating the sheer amount of functionality crammed into it. Keep up the great work!

Buy the Sizzling Simon at Simply Pleasure for only £99.95 or for $152.82 at Peepshow toys.

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