Finally, years late to the party, I own a Stronic Eins. Oh, how I have longed for this day! Dreamed of the power and prowess held within fun factory’s most innovative creation and imagined the waves of squirting pleasure that would no doubt overwhelm me. This is a hand held toy that thrusts (or more aptly shakes) back in forth inside you, an idea which excites me on a multitude of levels.
There’s been very few toys that I have obsessed over more than the Eins. My toy obsessing often entailing hours of research, staring doe-eyed at photos and sleuthing around for the best price. With pennies saved, (who needs to eat anyway?) often for months or even years before finally being able to click Add To Basket.
I read review after review and look on jealously as more and more bloggers add my potential ‘Holy Grail’ sex toys to their collections. Forever behind the trend thanks to my empty savings account and a landlord who insists I pay my rent. I tell myself this next toy will be the ‘one’, that I need it. That I will come to relish it so much that merely glancing at it will leave my knickers in need of wringing out.
The unfortunate truth however, is that the only toy that’s lived up to the hype around it is the We-vibe Tango. The bigger trend sadly being that the most coveted toys have the furthest to fall, and worryingly for the Stronic Eins I had placed it on the very highest of pedestals.
The Stronic’s body has a pretty simple design, especially for Fun Factory who have a whole crazy catalogue of swirly, pronged and splatter-like creations. The handle is smooth plastic with just three solid buttons and two magnetic charging pins at the base. The shaft is medical grade silicone, has the slightest forward lean for G-spot stimulation and a wide bump near the base. I have my suspicions the latter is supposed to be a ‘clitoral nub’ which Fun Factory do seem to like adding to their toys, maybe someone should show them where the clitoris is?
My one HUUUUUUUGE peeve with all Fun Factory toys is the silicone. Yes, I’m chuffed that it’s medical grade but that doesn’t mean I want to leave my vagina feeling like it’s been sandpapered. There’s so much drag on the Eins that its almost grainy to the touch! To be frank, if there’s one toy I specifically want to be as smooth as possible, it’s the one that’s about to mechanically shake itself back and forth inside of me like an industrial table sander.
After mostly solving the drag issue with a lot of thick lube (I use sliquid sassy to tame this particular beast) insertion is easy enough. Thanks, almost completely, to the Eins’s slim-ish shaft and tapered tip.
The layout of the patterns and how you cycle through them is a bit odd. I’m not going to attempt to explain it because bleugh… but there are basically ten settings. The steady one you start on, three progressively faster ones and then six fancy oscillating patterns. I will say that you can at least easily get back to the one you want if you accidentally skip past it.
Exactly how far has the Stronic Eins fallen now it’s actually been acquainted with my vagina? Not as far as you might think. I certainly haven’t found my Holy Grail in the Eins but the same can be said for every single toy in my collection and there’s still a fair chance my erogenous zones are just too god-damn picky for anything to win their heart.
So, how does it feel? Not half bad. Which is to say, not as great as I hoped it would be but still efficient and pleasurable. The Eins successfully shakes back and forth inside me – provided I dont hold the handle too firmly or clench hard. When it’s actually doing its thing, the sensation is deliciously thuddy but I can’t help wishing the movements were deeper. At a guess, I’d say the Stronic Eins moves about 2cm’s back and forth, at the most. Whereas if I was masturbating with a dildo I’d probably move it in and out by at least a few inches.
The Stronic’s thrusting is hit and miss for me, it might lack in the depth of its strokes but it still packs a pretty impressive punch. The speed and force behind the shaking shaft is not to be scoffed at and even the patterns feel pretty damn good (if not better than the steady settings). I might have to angle the handle pretty dramatically to get the tip to hit my G-spot but when it does… boy is it hard to ignore.
This is the first toy with a motor designed to be used internally that I’ve really liked. I’m notoriously meh about vibrations inside me so the Eins provides a motorized stimulation that doesn’t result in boredom and is, at its best, a rumbly-thud-machine I’m glad to have inside me.
When I catch my G-spot in just the right mood the Eins can be pretty sensational and with any luck allows me to experience a fairly messy squirting session. Thank god my sheets (and this toy) are waterproof! Other session sadly don’t go as well and I’m left feeling underwhelmed. Despite my fantasies this isn’t a hand held fuck machine and it can’t deliver the long delicious strokes my partner and his dick achieve either.
It’s not at all like someone fucking you and it can’t really keep up with the depth supplied by a good dildo diddling masturbation session. So why do I still pick it up? I’m lazy. There I said it, and it’s goddamn true… at least when it comes to jacking off. I suffer from depression and along with severely depleting my libido, it makes the idea of masturbation seem really quite tedious. It sounds bad but if I know I have to twist my wrist at an awkward angle and repeatedly thrust a dildo into my vagina for twenty minutes before maybe, possibly reaching climax, I’m probably not going to bother. But if I have something to do the thrusting for me, something like the Eins, I might just feel like a potential orgasm is worth the effort.
When I think back to other toys I’ve tried like the Bouncer which I’d probably have liked ten billion times more if I’d had some to do the thrusting/jiggling for me, it’s clear that the Stronic was always going to be a hit with me. It does the work and all I have to do is keep hold of the handle so it doesn’t jackhammer its way out. I enjoy it (for the most part), and sometimes, when the planets align just right, it even makes me squirt.
You can buy the Fun Factory Stronic Eins at Lovehoney for £139.99 (roughly $180.32 or 158.18 euros).